Tuesday 24 April 2012

Wife Beaters REHAB now open

I was with some friends the other day and a guy was complaining bitterly on behalf of his friend who beat his wife. The story goes thus:

Our brother the wife beater doesn’t have a job...he is seeking employment. Whether he had one and lost it or he never had one from the beginning, I did not get that detail.

Our sister “the beaten” has a very good job and has been paying for everything apart from oxygen. They had a fight and she told him in so many words I do not care to repeat that he is a failure and a loser and the only proof that he is a man is the physical body part that God gave to all men. (Don’t you just love how decent I am?)

He then descended upon her and brother story teller was now saying his friend was pushed to the wall and that was why he had to beat his wife.

These are my thoughts and I shared them freely.

Brother wife beater should not have beaten his wife, he should have beaten himself....For either of two reasons...One for selecting a wife that would hurt his ego this bad out of all the girls out there OR two- for allowing things degenerate so much in his home that the person who is closest to him in this world and knows him so completely could sum him up like that.

She was not right to speak to her husband like that no matter how frustrated she was...surely there are better ways to channel your grievance in all relationships and by all means let’s find it.

However there is a malady under the sun that I see these days and I want to rant about it.

Our mothers were house wives, our fathers took advantage of our mothers and held the money over their heads and took advantage of their helplessness. The daughters watched and grew up resolving to work and make money. Women of today are self motivated and would rather turn black under the sun selling pepper and making some money (no matter how little) than stay at home and depend on a man for money. They just don’t have that level of trust for men anymore. (of course there are a few that don’t want to do anything but the irony of it all is that they keep getting “found” by men who want working girls...this is story for another day)

So because of the scenario I painted above, you have a significant percentage of women making more money than men today. Not necessarily a bad thing...but I take exception when the man takes advantage of the woman’s drive to succeed and does absolutely nothing or is not creative about this challenge.

It is not until we wait for you to take someone to a shrine and do xyz that we will say you are using the person for rituals. I dares ay some men are using their wives for rituals by using her purely as a stream of income and not a helper. There are lines please! And a lot of men are crossing those lines based on the feedback we are receiving from women.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe women should work. Beyond working for the money, it helps your mind, it helps your health and it endears your husband to you more because men are hunters - something has to be attractive for you to want to get it and they want a woman who can also engage them mentally.

Working does not necessarily mean getting a bank job or getting employed...a tomato seller’s job is to sell tomatoes. Chigo works as a Compere , Rita Dominic works as an actress, Linda Ikeji is a blogger. Babes, find something you like or you are good at and turn it to a source of revenue...that is work and it becomes your job. Especially if you are not married to or planning to marry an armed robber or a drug lord.

....So brother story teller kept on saying brother wife beater had been looking for a job and had not found one for years and he kept asking if brother wife beater should kill him self or turn himself into money.

My response was that brother wife beater should have since found something to sell...and before story teller could say...CAPITAL. ...I asked him if brother wife beater had tried selling pure water in rfont of his house (or delivering to his neighbours)or hair barbing or laundry service ...the list is endless of businesses you need little or no cash to start if you are serious. You don’t need capital to start a business, you need an idea. Ideas are free.

If a man is creative, and is determined/making the effort to be a responsible husband, a good woman would respect him no matter how small his beginning is. You can never sweep it under the carpet, it is a truth and a fact that women are built for security, we like to be comfortable and have the finer things in life. We may tell you that you have nothing and it does not matter but it’s only a matter of time, if you don’t grow from that your state of nothing, you are gonna have a disgruntled woman in your house. Even water changes its state so guy...you gotta grow. Don’t ask me why? Ask God ...didn’t you see that Eve entered an already furnished home with a garden, plenty elephant jeeps and camel SUVs and Chigo air conditioner trees every where? ...Check Genesis 2!!!!

My guy leave this ya job hunting something if it’s not working for you now, catch a vision, start a business, start small, grow the business, be disciplined.  Love your wife, give effort  to the marriage...as in don’t expect her to do all the work to make money, take care of the home, the kids, your ego, your “needs” and still try to put an appearance that all is well in the home all by herself while you just keep making demands, incurring bills and hanging with your boys and putting up a pretence outside and throwing a pity parties and raging tantrums when you come inside

Mr. Man rise up...there is a king in you, find him, polish him and make your wife proud. If not, the next time she insults you, beat yourself up instead of her. Nobody will call you a name that you have not given to yourself.

And oy! As for you young man who doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from or his next pay check is coming from but you keep professing love to one girl or the other and you say you want to marry. Clear from there. He that has no job should not marry...No romance without finance.

Stop looking for a girl you will use for rituals or turn her into your slave-to be coughing out money for you while you just loaf around with big dreams going no where fast because she made a mistake to love you.

I dey vex.

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