Pushes and Urges vs 1...True story Oh

16^th March 2007 yet another unforgettable day in my world.

 My dear editor you see, the life of a young woman these days can be quite scientific and technical indeed. Amongst several challenges I have to watch my weight and as one of the crash measures to control it, I drink herbal tea to cleanse my system and sometimes the herbal tea goes beyond cleansing …it “purges”!

 Hence yours truly sometimes seeks herbal tea as an option after the cakes, creams and a little too much sweet nonsense in a day or two.

 Now, the herbal tea programme has a scientific angle to it, you take it and give your system some hours and by my calculations on the particular evening before the 16^th of March 2007, the effect should have kicked in by the following morning; 5.am sharp!

 An hour when I planned to have been safe and free in the confines of my lavatory at home where freedom reigned and no one cared.

 However …disaster struck when least expected !…..5am…no urge…6 am …about to leave the door…still no urge…..8.30am in the mad traffic of CMS/V I, at the back of a taxi, sweating like a Christmas turkey-fresh out of the oven, what do I have?…The long awaited URGE!!!!

 At this point, it came to mind that the word purge could have been gotten from a seamless combination of push and urge.  

 Finally the cab drops me in front of my office and I pay him (though tempted to run and scream “keep the change”, I mentally calculate the balance in my bank account and decide that in this particular case patience would be a virtue)

 So I wait for the man to bring out my change from inside the knickers, inside the knickers, inside the knickers of his trousers! Wishing I didn’t have to touch the money, I not only touch it, I put it in my bag and plan to use it later to pay for a very rich lunch at the coffee cell.

 I then enter my office building with all the zeal in the world.

 A perfect picture of a busy soldier with a deadline to catch…I remember thinking…

 “My boss will be so proud to see my zeal to report to duty today as opposed to my usual lazy swagger on a good day”.

 Thus I rush into the lift and enter my wing and head straight for my space and drop my stuff….Yes!

Toilets, toilets, where are the toilets?

Ah ha! The private ones near the entrance...Oh yes!  Number one... locked! Number two... Just occupied! Oh my God that one is open but its right in the middle of the office space!

 Everyone sees me enter including one of my many bosses. I shut the door, click! And settle down on the seat of my latest joy. Ok get it together, get it together, you can do this just calm down. I borrow some calm from the air around me and I begin to push the urge.

 Its going very well trickles in silence yes that’s it Oh my God… Please be quiet…shhh! Oh my God! Did they hear that one? Oh I am never coming out of here…what’s that …another one? It’s not possible… who send me drink herbal tea? …oh who send me….How many times do I have to tell you young lady? Big is beautiful! Oh… Big is beautiful! Quick, what to do, what to do …oh, Yes! Turn on the tap, turn on the shower, the hand dryer everything that can cover the sounds oh dear girl…turn them on! And ten years later it was over and there was silence.

 I borrowed some dignity from my late grandmother the most elegant maiden in my village back in the day…and proceeded to come out from my closet…everyone stared at me…is that respect I see in their eyes? What’s that? Disdain? Excuse me I can’t possibly be the only one this happens to duh! I take a seat and say to myself “I will not let Herbal tea ruin my reputation”. I am a big girl…toilet catastrophe or not.